Scousesubs

Submariners Times
September/October 2008

President:

Vice-President:- Les West Vice-Chairman:- Sam Price

Social Secretary/Standard Bearer: - Dave Devins

Hello Sailor,

How's it going? Trust this finds you all in good nick and to those who don't feel so good I hope you start feeling better very soon. Happy to report the branch is doing pretty well at the moment with two new members, Steve Dooley and Kenny Strode, joining during the month of July. Welcome aboard to both you lads and I hope you enjoy meeting up with old oppos in the not too distant future at our meetings and venues and making some new ones of course.

Our sincere and heartfelt thanks go to all those making donations to the branch over the past two month period. Your kindness and generosity is truly overwhelming and most welcome. The sum passed to the branch as donations following Mick Jones's funeral was a staggering £700 and our thanks and gratitude go to Mick's widow, Joan, for arranging this on our behalf - we are indebted to you for this wonderful gesture. The committal of Mick's ashes to the sea will be undertaken by HMS Eaglet once their fast patrol boats return from their deployments in early September or thereabouts and can be tasked; you will be kept advised of any developments.

It was with an enormous measure of sadness and great loss that we heard that our Branch President, Commander Ian Fraser, VC, DSC crossed the bar peacefully after a brief illness in September. There was a private family funeral for his committal followed by a remembrance service held at St. James Church, New Brighton on the 11th of the month. This was a grand affair attended by hundreds of family, friends and submariners to pay tribute to an old friend and a national hero of World War II. A separate tribute to our late President and a description of the memorial service and those attending is contained within these pages.

'Pedler' Palmer has ordered some new branch ties from designs and quotes kindly obtained and submitted by Rick Rothwell. These are a unique design incorporating the pattern of a leaping dolphin and the Liver Bird with red and white diagonal stripes on a navy blue background and they look pretty smooth indeed. We are hoping to take delivery before the reunion in October and the price to members will be £10 each. Because they are so unusual and eye-catching it is expected the demand will be high so contact Pedler and get your orders in now to avoid any disappointments. That's all the buzz for now lads - going deep.

Yours Aye

Pedro

"Experience in human relations was helpful, even if you had none to begin with, you soon became an expert -
otherwise you didn't stay in submarines."

Just When You Thought It Was Safe ….

Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water up pops a Typhoon Class boat to ruin your day at the beach. This massive leviathan of the deep was pictured off the city of Severodvinsk in the northern part of Russia on the shores of the White Sea (you all know it well). The city has a big naval base so sometimes people on the shore can see submarines appear from underwater right before their eyes. Not the sort of thing you could experience often on other beaches in the world; it could easily be the set for a new James Bond movie.

Now For the Smallest Version

You are looking at the smallest nuclear submarine in the world, the NR-1. This super spy boat was the brainchild of Admiral Hyam Rickover USN, the father of the nuclear submarine itself. This boat was designed for 'black' clandestine operations and deep-sea research during the Cold War period and its conception and building was kept absolutely secret; so much so that even well into its service, which continues to this day, many senior US Navy officers were completely unaware of her existence or capabilities. Built by Electric Boat in Groton she is 145 feet in length, 12 foot 6inch in diameter with a mean draft of 15 feet. Tonnage is 366 tons submerged and she is operated by a crew of eight highly trained/specialist officers and enlisted men.

Because of her mini-nuclear reactor she has a maximum endurance of 330 man-days and she can dive to the extreme depths of the oceans. She has the facility to use powered wheels to drive across ocean bed terrains at great depth and has a recovery arm to examine and collect samples or objects. Top speed is only five knots and she has to be towed by tender to her operating areas where she can stay submerged and work for prolonged periods. She once recovered a sunken F-14 Tomcat and its top secret missiles from under the noses of a fleet of searching Russian ships. The technology used in her construction and maintenance was on a par with that put into the US space programmes. She is still commissioned in the US Fleet and contributes to oceanographic research projects, and no doubt covert operations, proving that big is not always necessarily beautiful or the best.


Diesel Dinosaurs Corner

The Ping Bosun's Log by Mick Jones


Sure you didn't think you were getting rid of me that easily did you? I spent years writing all these dits so I have, and I'm making damned sure they get into print and that's that. I've met up with quite a few of the lads since I've been here like Hedgecock, Billy Binns, George Luck, Pete Kehoe, and Jimmy Evans so as you can well imagine there has been quite a bit of lamp swinging going on. The Big Coxswain detailed Fred Cunliffe off to get me victualled in on arrival so I asked Fred what the scran was like up here. Fred said that we had left all that kind of stuff behind us now and that we got a daily issue of ambrosia instead. My immediate reaction was "Bloody hell! Not creamed rice again." Still it could have been worse; it could have been 'herrings in' forever and ever amen.

Mind you, things aren't too bad at all as they are still on the tot up here. It gives a whole new meaning to 'Up Spirits' so it does. If we could just get JC's scratcher, Peter, to keep his thumb out of the rum measure it would be perfect. So just when you all thought you were getting away with it here I am again with my monthly load of old blarney; so let's get this show on the road okay? I might even have a little go at the stoker's later on; you never know your luck.

Talking about luck that saying 'The Luck of the Irish' is a right load of rubbish. I picked a horse in the Grand National Sweep in our street this year; it looked real good so I had a sizeable side bet on it as well. It was the only horse in the National that had to be put down. I couldn't believe it. If I had been in the olden-day Navy when they had raping and pillaging I would have been in the pillaging party every time.

I see the Irish Republic have rejected the revamped European Constitution and I can't say that I blame them either. In their mind boggling wisdom the EU parliament has just lumbered the UK with another stupid directive which reads: EU Directive No. 456179: In order to meet the conditions for joining the Single European Currency, all citizens of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland must be made aware that the phrase 'Spending a Penny' is not to be used after 31st December 2008. From this date onwards, the correct terminology will be: 'Euronating'. Sure is nothing sacred anymore?

Now here's a tale you don't hear everyday. A certain Spare Crew Senior Rate at Blockhouse happens to get hold of a gross of identical anchor shaped earrings. They look to be of fairly good quality - so what to do with them? Decision; anyone in the mess who gets lucky and manages to turn in with a bit of local talent gives her a pair of 'special earrings'; a sort of appreciation gift 'for services rendered' telling them that they have been given a very unique 'submariners friends only' gift. After a few weeks, most pairs have been given away.

Another decision; at the annual Mess Ball, get the 'friends of submariners' to wear their earrings. The ball is going well and all the 'friends' proudly wear their earrings. A group sits around a large table. One young thing leans across and asks another, "Who gave you your earrings then?" "Oh! Steve, the POLTO on the S------ gave me mine, who gave you yours?" "Ted, who happens to be Outside Wrecker on the T------ gave me mine." (A bit of one up-woman ship going on here, you'll notice). Another table suddenly erupts into loud laughter, all the males are hysterical, all the females mystified. One particularly friendly young lady says to her neighbour, "I can't understand these submariners at all; all I said was that I had six pairs."

Later in the evening a somewhat inebriated mess member with a warped sense of humour and no couth whatsoever, takes over the microphone from the official MC, and tells everyone present the meaning behind the earrings. Later that night, when the mess was being cleaned up, earrings were found behind curtains, in plant pots, stuffed down the back of chairs, and crushed into the carpet…. and some even found in the gents urinals. There's just no answer to that last one is there? (BTW thanks to my mate Ray Gritt and the SOCA News for this dit).

Early in 1942 we took five special agents on board P42 (she had not yet been named Unbroken). Their leader was Capt. Peter Churchill, a tall Army officer. We were to land them at Antibes in the south of France where they were to carry out their dangerous work. Churchill was billeted in the Wardroom and there were two in the PO's mess and two in the Tiffie's mess. Apart from Churchill the other four were uncommunicative but he used to wander around the boat talking to all and sundry. When I was on the wheel at night he used to come and sit beside me and have a good yarn. When it came near to the time for them to land we used to see them taking labels off their items of clothing as I suppose things like that would have given the game away. Passing the Wardroom at one point I saw bundles of French francs being doled out to them. Jimmy Bramhall the Wardroom flunky saw Churchill drinking from a small flask and asked him what it was. Churchill said it was brandy laced with a potion that would keep them awake for several days. He saw Bramhall was sceptical about this claim and offered him sippers. Bramhall took gulpers and for a few days after whenever we were all turned in our hammocks, he would sit at the mess table playing patience, completely unable to sleep. Churchill was married to Odette the special agent, awarded the George Cross. When they were captured by the Gestapo, the name Churchill saved both her and Peter from execution in the concentration camp they were subsequently held in.

Well sailor's got to go now as I have been roped in for celestial band practice. I wanted to play the penny whistle but they are oversubscribed in the wind section so I am having to learn the electric harp instead. I told you if it was raining soup I'd be standing here with a fork. Still mustn't complain as poor old Joe Hurley is down to play the tambourine and 'Cobber' Caine is on the bloody triangle and castanets FFS. Pull the plug - take her down -and see you all next issue. You take care of yourselves. The Big Man himself sends you all his blessings.

Mick

"Submarines are underhand, unfair and damned un-English.
The crews of all submarines captured should be treated
as pirates and hanged"

So spoke Admiral Sir Arthur Wilson VC, the Controller of the Royal Navy, when he summed up the opinion of the many in the Admiralty in 1901. In response Lieutenant Commander (later Admiral Sir) Max Horton first flew the Jolly Roger on return to port after sinking the German cruiser SMS Hela and the destroyer SMS S-116 in 1914. During World War I, the submarine service came of age and proudly called themselves Horton's Buccaneers. In an ironic twist of history 107 years after Admiral Sir Arthur Wilson's observations, back when dreadnought battleships were the vanguards of the Fleet, it is now the once maligned submarines that are today's capital ships and the elite arm of the Royal Navy.

An ex-US Navy destroyer was sunk for real (by an Australian submarine) in the first-ever live test of the latest Mk 48 Mod 7 CBASS heavyweight torpedo variant. It was the crew of the Australian Collins-Class submarine HMAS Waller that became the first to successfully fire the new heavyweight torpedo, jointly developed by Australia and the United States, Australia's defence department announced. The firing occurred during the Rim of the Pacific 2008 (RIMPAC 08) exercise; involving multiple navies off the coast of Hawaii. This controlled exercise resulted in the planned sinking of a retired US Spruance-Class destroyer.

"This represents a first new heavyweight torpedo warshot to be fired by either Navy. Just as significant is the fact that the warshot was assembled in Australia," Australian Defence Minister Joel Fitzgibbon says. The Mk 48 Mod 7 represents a 'superior capability' against both surface ships and submarines with sonar enhancements that make the torpedo an "effective weapon in shallow water and in a countermeasure environment." The development of the CBASS torpedo has been achieved under an Armaments Cooperative Program between the US Navy and the Royal Australian Navy that has established common requirements, interfaces, configurations and maintenance standards. This submarine partnership has also led to co-development of a new replacement combat system, which is being progressively integrated into US Navy nuclear and RAN diesel-electric boats.

Bert and the F-Reg Pub

During the eighties at Blockhouse reunions you would have thought the bars in the CPO's Mess or the Atlantis Club would have been the most obvious places on the base for obtaining any required liquid libation and during their opening hours this was certainly the case. But what to do in those in-between hours of bar closures if you found yourself desperately in need of a hair of the dog that bit you? Or if during the wee hours of the morning you awoke to find you could willingly kill for a 'livener'; just where would you find one?

The answer was located on the car park to the rear of the blocks in the shape of a white 1968 Commer Caravanette motor camper known affectionately to every submariner attending the reunions as the 'F-Reg Pub'. This wonderful innovation was the brain child of Bert Onslow, one of our Merseyside members who lived in Kidderminster. Each year Bert, and his trusty oppo, Bill Devereaux, would stock up this old aluminium bodied vehicle with huge amounts of cases of beer and spirits and set off for Gosport to have some fun. Bert was the perfect mine host and had thought of everything from the provision of bags of potato crisps, pork scratching's, peanuts and even napkins for his guests. There were glittering rows of optics screwed to the inner starboard bulkhead to hold the numerous bottles of rum, gin and scotch etc for dispensing exotic concoctions of whatever the heart desired. Bill would ensure these bottles were replaced on the optics as rapidly as they were depleted over the weekend period and he kept those cold cans of beer coming like there was no tomorrow.

Because of space limitations it could get pretty crowded inside the F-Reg Pub with everyone packed in like sardines (just to make us all feel at home). But Bert in his infinite wisdom had taken the weight factor into his calculations and had the floor of the caravan reinforced with chequered stainless steel plate (courtesy of Dorman & Long) and three heavy duty stabilising jacks fitted to the after chassis. Because of the total payload the power /weight ratio was a slight problem which prevented the Caravanette with its 1600cc engine from doing much more than 30 mph on the outward bound trip down the motorway and that with a following wind. The journey homeward bound did not present the same speed problem as they were by then a lightened ship so to speak.

Never a penny changed hands in the F-Reg Pub at any time and everyone was made welcome. The price of admission was either the spinning of a good dit or the singing of a bawdy song. If you couldn't come up with either then you could join in the general sing-songs that frequently went on. Bert was often requested for and obliged with his rendition of 'Gunga Din' to much enthusiastic table thumping. Many a serving sailor or Wren returning from shore leave were only to happy to stop by and have a nightcap or two as the F-Reg Pub never closed. They never came empty handed but always with big bags of fish and chips and kebabs bought from ashore for all hands. This was Bert and Bill's annual gift to their fellow submariners, old and young, and their kindness and 24/7 hospitality became a regular feature of our reunions for a number of years. Both those magical characters have now gone on to far greater glory but I shan't be surprised when I finally cross the bar to find that they have the F-Reg Pub parked firmly outside the Pearly Gates. Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm counting on it.

The Ditty Box

The scene is the Commissioning Ceremony for HMS/M Conqueror (photo above) at Cammell Lairds shipyard 1971. All the local dignitaries are assembled; the ships company fell in, and then finally the padres of various faiths march out onto the podium. A Scouse docker, without an invite, but attending out of sheer curiosity is watching the silent proceedings. He says to his mate in a rather loud voice, that could have been heard on the other side of the River Mersey and certainly by all of the crew lined up at attention, "Told ya, the Pope and God are f****** Liverpool supporters." His baffled mate says in an equally loud voice, "Ow d'ya work that out den Joe?" Joe replies, "Cos their representative in Birkenhead's wearing a f****** red shirt, dat's why." How the assembled ships company didn't all wet themselves laughing that morning I'll just never know.

HMS/M Cachalot (above) could have made the Guinness Book of Records under the category of 'shortest ever visit by a V.I.P.' when they had the First Sea Lord helicoptered out to them one fine day in the sixties. After he descended into the control room via the tower ladder, he took one step backwards and promptly stepped into the attack scope well. As he fell, his testicles came into smart contact with the 4" steel coaming surrounding the well and as his full body weight came to rest on them , it forced a very loud and tortured "Arrrgh!" from their owner. The chopper was immediately recalled and the FSL was winched back on board, having spent exactly one minute on that sleek black messenger of death. Chuckles all round of course, but bloody painful for the FSL I'll bet. (Thanks to Skyvet for the dit.)