Scousesubs

Submariners Times
January/February 2008

Merseyside Branch

President: Commander Ian Fraser, VC, DSC

Secretary’s Slot

Hello Sailor,

I do hope that 2008 has started off the way you all wanted it to with health in pole position and with wealth and more gratuitous sex following closely in second and third places. May I and your branch officers wish you all everything you wished for yourselves for the remainder of this year? So just be careful what you actually wished for, because it just may all become true okay?

The Christmas Banyan Bash happily went with a swing and the Arriva Club was chocka-block on the night with everyone enjoying a fabulous evening. Bobby Calder made the long trip from Bristol to be with us on the night, Jackie Old travelled over from Welsh Wales on his new zimmer frame, and our old mates Jim Bellew and Jim McGuiness made a welcome comeback to the branch. Sam Price, our newest member attended with his lovely wife Karen. Our old RNR buddies from HMS Eaglet, Paul Hedgecock, and John Burton turned up with their lovely ladies, along with Pete Tosh, and they have all now renewed their honorary memberships with us. Mick Jones was in fine fettle and he and Jim Bellew performed one of their more memorable and comical numbers from the Ballet de Scouse days ‘Help Me Make It Through the Night’ to a standing ovation. Any apologies that may be due to Kris Kristofferson are now speeding their way to him.

‘Pedler’ Palmer managed to entice some members of the Crosby RNA Sods Opera down to the club to entertain us and two of their group on guitars led us in singing all the old bawdy Navy ballads and we really raised the rafters. Thanks lads for your kind contribution to the proceedings. ‘Pedler’ performed his exotically slinky ‘Salome’ dance after borrowing the dress off our voluptuous young barmaid Lorraine, who had to walk around in Pedler’s shirt for the entire performance much to the ecstatic delight of all hands. Mick Jones had donated a ‘Grumpy Old Matelot’ tee-shirt sent to him by Shep Woolley whilst in dry dock. It was XL and swimming on Mick so Shep suggested changing it for the right size and auctioning the larger size T. This was modelled by our curvaceous good sport, Lorraine, and that raised not only temperatures but also £26 in the ensuing auction. She reckoned that it needed a bit of body putting into it and how right she was. The lucky recipient will now of course have to iron out all those lovely lumps before they can wear it. The ‘Grumpy Old Matelot’ t-shirts will be available for sale with Shep’s forthcoming new CD of the same name – we shall keep you posted so stay tuned for its release date okay?

Last, but certainly not least, our own gorgeous bevy of wonderful ladies provided us with a five-star buffet par excellence on the night. The scran was absolutely delicious and we can only thank you all for the preparation, time and tremendous effort put into getting it onto our table. Thank you all so much ladies from the bottom of our hearts - we love you all – we really do - and we are indebted to you for your caring support. It takes people like you to make people like us. All the above tells me one clear thing – with teamwork like this Merseyside branch is now back on its feet and after a mixed and sadly hectic 2007 we are definitely going to survive. Thanks to you for making it all happen, we couldn’t have possibly done it without you.


‘Pedro’

Cover Photo: HM/S Dreadnought riding the step.

‘A sailor is someone who has slept in a hammock, suffered a dose of dhobi itch, sailed under the line, over the line, through the Suez Canal and p***** off Sydney Harbour Bridge’

Whale of a Tale Compartment

A Clash of Cultures

It’s the early 60’s when one of Her Majesties sleek black messengers of death enters Portsmouth dockyard for dry-docking. ‘Deeps’, the Tanky, an able assistant to the Coxswain and oppo of the Leading Chef is instructed to run an errand to Victory Barracks by the No1.

Resplendent in his battery acid honed number 8’s trousers, salt encrusted steaming boots, off-grey submarine roll neck sweater and nicely yellowed cap with bow strategically placed over his left eye, our hero enters Barracks. He strolls across the parade ground contemplating lighting up a DF when the strangulated cry of “That creature there!” rent the peace and quiet.

A Chief Gunnery Instructor, testicles tightly bound with black masking tape to obtain that required high pitch, stands quivering on his mirror like boots with inch thick soles and 200 polished hobnails. ‘Deeps’ thinks, ‘Naargh! Can’t be me I ‘m only a visitor’ and ambles on.

The Chief of the Parade, who, as we all know never runs any where, walks at great speed, pace stick clenched firmly between the cheeks of his arse - well no - under his arm really. When he gets in front of our hero he places the tip of his pace stick on ‘Deeps’ chest to prevent any escape and disdainfully eyes him up and down. ‘Deeps’ having suffered the wrath of various submarine Coxswain’s and Chief Stokers in the past, is totally unfazed by this apparition and awaits the next move.

Chief of the Parade, “There is a bit of s**t on the end of my stick”

Deeps, “Not at my end Chief”

P.S. CLANG, “Mind your fingers Jack” Submitted by Bob (Nutty) Head
Dolphin Branch - Gosport

Memories of Gus Britton

He was a man of many talents;
he would take on any task
If you were after information,
he was the one to ask.

Any queries about the Navy,
or submarine affairs.
He would give you all the answers,
no graces and no airs.

He was a matelot with a purpose,
no thought of power or gain.
Like when he swam the Solent
and jumped from an aeroplane.

The brass hats never bothered him
he gave his honest views
These could be serious or comical,
they were in the SOCA News.

The Sub Museum at Gosport,
it owes him quite a lot.
Any questions or any problems,
he’d be there like a shot.

At the October Reunions,
he would be there sure as fate.
Shaking hands with one and all,
calling everyone shipmate.

Who is this bloke you are asking,
was he really one of us
There was only one who fits the bill
Gus Britton – Good old Gus.

by ‘Fog’ Elliot HM/S Unseen

HM/S Astute Does Her Basin Dive

On the 30 October 2007 the first of the new class of boats HM/S Astute took to the basin for her test dive at Barrow-in-Furness. All underwater tests including checking all pressure seals and hatches shut properly and blowing 250 tonnes of water from the forward tanks were carried out over a two day period and appear to have gone well. This was all achieved without leaving the complex where she is being fitted out. The 25 metre (82 feet) dive was carried out with most of the boat being submerged deep enough to establish everything to be tested was AOK. All 62 of her crew were aboard for the tests. Astute is expected to be delivered and in service by November of 2008. She will be quickly followed by the builds of her sister boats Ambush, Artful and Audacious. It has been indicated that they may be followed in the future by four more boats of the same class, defence budgets permitting.

‘Happiness is being underway and underwater’

Diesel Dinosaurs Corner

The Ping Bosun’s Log by Mick Jones

Hello Sailors,

Greetings to you from a windswept Bootle. I wish you all a very happy, healthy and prosperous new year. To those who are under the weather – get well soon.

This is the first newsletter since my old oppo Ray passed on. As most of you know I spent two mornings a week down in Ray’s house where we ‘swung the lamp’ and generally put the world to rights. During our terms of office together we used to carry out the affairs of the branch over cups of coffee and toasted cheese butties. It’s amazing how empty these mornings seem now – I miss the old bugger. His funeral was a big affair, well attended by branch members, representatives from HMS Eaglet, submariners from all parts of the country, standard bearers from naval and regimental associations and people from other walks of life. The huge turnout showed the esteem in which Ray was held. Resurgam.

Two other members of the submarine fraternity passed away during the past two weeks, Sir John Harvey-Jones, well known business trouble-shooter who was a wartime submariner and also Mike Pearson who was the long-time Secretary of the West Australian Branch of the SA. I remember Mike paying a visit to Liverpool about 20 years ago when he was visiting the UK with Ginger Lewis of Taurus fame. Resurgam.

Signals sent by the Royal Navy are often brief and amusing. When the Italian fleet surrendered, Sir Andrew Cunningham, Commander-in-Chief of the Mediterranean Fleet sent the following signal, “Be pleased to inform their Lordships that the Italian battle fleet now lays at anchor under the guns of the fortress of Malta.” Isn’t that wonderful? So brief and in keeping with the Royal Navy. Another comes to mind. A far flung post of the British Empire was having some unrest and the Governor asked for assistance. The Navy despatched a cruiser to sort out the situation. The cruiser sent a signal to the Governor saying, “Hold the fort for I am coming, Speed 18 knots.” It was answered by a signal from the Governor saying, “Situation resolved. Ease to ten.” Biblical texts are often used in naval signals. I know that several times when I was on the wheel a request would come down the voicepipe asking for a Bible to be sent to the bridge. One such signal reached us when we returned home from Malta wishing that we should enjoy the fruits of our labours.

Word has just reached me that another branch member has crossed the bar, Arthur Stafford who served on P511, Sunfish, Subtle and Scorcher during WWII who was a well liked and respected member of long standing. I served the last three months of Sunfish’s existence when she was bombed on the Tyne and was put out of commission for 23 months. She was then turned over to the Russians but was subsequently lost on passage to Murmansk. Arthur and his oppo Dick Squires (I think they were cousins) would regularly attend our meetings until ill health took its toll. Arthur was the last surviving submariner member at the Kirkby RNA which is yet another very sad statistic in itself. We send our condolences to Arthur’s daughter June Breden and other members of the family – Resurgam.

There are some strange names in Northern Ireland; one of them is Ballymacarret. The Prince of Wales recently opened a new youth club there. On the morning of the big event the place was dressed overall in Union flags, Ulster flags and red, white and blue bunting and the entire populace turned out to greet the heir to the throne. When the royal car drew up outside the new youth club, Prince Charles stepped out, dressed immaculately in highly polished black shoes, knife edged creased blue suit, starched white shirt with Gordonstoun school tie. Charles was a picture of elegance except that he was wearing a Davy Crockett hat made of several colours of fox fur. Not a word was said and he went about the duty of opening the new club. After the ceremony and speeches they all went to the reception room for tea and cucumber sandwiches. One of the welcoming committee who was more forthright than the others said, “Your Royal Highness, when you arrived here you were the picture of elegance but the whole effect was spoilt by you wearing that ridiculous Davy Crockett hat.” To which Charles replied, “Well last night before I caught the plane here I was having tea with the Queen and she asked me where I was going today, and I told her I was going to Ballymacarret and she said to me, “Wear the fox hat.” Well at least that’s what I thought she said.”

During the afternoon of August 8th 1942 the Captain of submarine ‘Unbroken’ examined the shoreline between Paola and Longobardi on the instep of Italy through the periscope. After sunset we steered to within 1500 yards of the coast. We were waiting for a train carrying vital supplies to Rommel’s armies in the western desert. Two trains passed and we lay silently waiting for our target. As the time approached we moved to 900 yards from the shore and prayed that our target would be lit up like the trains that had passed. The guns crew huddled on the casing and our Gunnery Officer Lt Archdale whispered instructions to them , range 1000 yards, deflection 20 right, independent firing, open fire when train reaches the datum point. There was a long pause as the gun held the train in its sights, until it reached the datum point. With a roar the gun opened fire, its tiny point of crimson swallowed quickly in the darkness, the shell screamed through the air and exploded with a tremendous crash. A hit! by God. Indeed it was. There was a vivid blue flash as the overhead wires were brought down and in its brilliance the engine could be seen to be detached from the coaches and idling on down the track. The gun roared again and again and after five rounds, all of them hits, the carriages and trucks were all blazing merrily with dancing yellow fires, the signals were out, the power was out. Gunlayer Peter Fenton transferred his attention to the engine and methodically blew it to pieces. In two minutes it was all over, we had deprived Rommel of at least 24 hours of supplies – 14,000 tons worth. ‘Pedro’ Fenton a late member of our branch received a DSM for this gun action.

Well sailors that will do me for this month. Keep well and always remember that you were a submariner, one of the crème de la crème. Fair winds and safe harbour to you all. Cheers.

Mick

In Memoriam

There is a port of no return, where ships
may ride at anchor for a little space
And then, some starless night, the cable slips,
leaving an eddy at the mooring place . . .
Gulls will veer no longer, Sailor, rest your oar,
no tangled wreckage will be washed ashore

We remember with reverence the boats and the brave crews that remain on eternal patrol and particularly those lost during the months of December, January and February during World War II. We will remember them – Resurgam – They shall rise again.

Undine – Starfish – Triton – Snapper – Perseus – H 31 – Triumph – P 222 – P 38 Tempest – Traveller – P 48 – P311 – Vandal – Tigris – Porpoise – X22
Truculent (1950)

Branch Business and News

Some months ago we promised that we would deliver some branch activities and true to our word we have come up with a real cracker. Shep Woolley had kindly offered to do a special show for the branch. Finding a suitable venue for numbers was a little more difficult and mainly cost prohibitive. Our old mate Ray Bruchez came to the rescue by offering his pub the Royal Hotel in Crewe as the venue. Matching a date with Shep’s busy schedule resulted in us obtaining a firm confirmation of April 12. The branch will provide the coach to take all those wishing to attend this one-off night of entertainment and convenient pick-ups and drop-offs will be organised. By chance, Barrow and Blackpool branches were having their own socials there on the night. We have now contacted all NW SA branches and encouraging degrees of interest have been generated. This is a buckshee show and a tarpaulin muster will be made for a naval charity during the interval. The only charge will be £5 per head for a fantastic buffet at the hotel. This Saturday evening could well prove to be a NW mini-reunion so book your places early with any of your branch officers –don’t dip out on a great night.

Submariners Spring Cruise to Zeebrugge 2008. This has been well advertised at branch level and on the SA website. This is a fabulous chance to take a busman’s holiday on a luxury cruise liner to Zeebrugge and a day trip to Bruges April 25-27. Rick Rothwell has negotiated a great price of £99 per head for this wonderful weekend (berth, meals and day trip inclusive) away from all your cares and worries in some great company. If you require tickets send your cheque for the full amount with name(s) in full. Cheques should be made out to ‘Submariners Association’ and sent to Rick at below address. Make sure you have a valid passport for at least 3 months after date of travel. This is your last chance to grab a great weekend excursion and stock up on your duty frees too.

Rick Rothwell
23, Troutbreck Close
Cloughwood
Runcorn WA 7 3JG

Donations

Our sincere thanks and appreciation go to all of you that sent us donations during the past 3 month period. We are deeply thankful for your wonderful support and we are constantly touched at your most kind generosity. Rest assured that your donations will be put to good use towards restoring the branches 2008 solvency.

The Ditty Box

The winner of last issues £20 voucher was Billy Baker with the caption for Prince Charles bestowing a medal on a buxom female soldier which read “This arthritis is killing me today” Nice one Billy, your prize token will be mailed on to you. I can’t believe you lot, you won’t send captions in but I have actually received a number of requests for a Page 3 girl in the ‘Submariners Times’. What’s up can’t you reach that top shelf in the newsagents then? Don’t want to make a habit of this but, just this once here, instead is a Page 8 girl to calm you all down. You may well remember her with affection from those carefree days in the mob before the MoD kill-joys stopped your tot and made the Wrens wear tights. This is a family publication so let’s have no smart remarks about chuckle gap or rear admirals okay?

"You call this bad? I'll tell you what bad is.......
Bad is passing test depth at 80 feet per second with a thirty degree down bubble.
Compared to that this is a walk in the park!"
This was said by a US Submariner Vetran to his civilian work group who were working on a serious marine engineering problem and were on the verge of giving up.
The problem solving group later rallied and overcame the difficulty