Scousesubs

Submariners Times
August/September 2007

Merseyside Branch

President: Commander Ian Fraser, VC, DSC

Secretary’s Slot

Hello Sailor,

Well here is your latest edition of the newsletter and we sure hope you enjoyed reading our last effort? Above is a rare shot of your editorial staff ‘Pedro’ and Mick Jones sorting out copy for this month’s issue. As it says on the machine ‘Our policy is to always blame the computer’ and we’re not kidding either. For years now my wonderful wife has been telling me “Read the instructions stupid” so that’s just what yours truly is doing here. Actually, ‘Banjo’ gave me a great CD disc full of valuable branch info with a comprehensive library of photos but moving stuff from one file to the right folder has proved quite a challenge to this old silver surfer. So despite some monkeying around from time to time I think we are finally getting the hang of this editing lark. Trying to fix a broken donk on the surface whilst rolling through what seemed like 180 degrees at the time was a doddle compared to this computing routine.

Happy to report we have had an initial response to the request for dits from Jackie Old, who has sent in a huge file from his time on HM/S Narwhal which will prove an invaluable source of fun and interest to our readers in future issues. So if you have similar material, please send it in or drop it off at meetings. I guarantee that it will be safely returned to you intact. Alternatively, good photo copies of any valuable documents or photos will suffice to put the finished articles together for publication.

I do believe the annual Memorial Service weekend proves conclusively that social activities are definitely the glue that holds organisations such as ours together. People do like getting together, having a laugh when making contact with their old friends and perhaps meeting new ones. With this firmly in mind we shall be starting to organise some small sized socials in town that people can get to without too much inconvenience. First we need to identify and secure a suitable venue for these events and we will keep you informed of any arrangements in good time. Who knows we may even be able to revive some vestiges of ‘The Ballet de Scouse’ for your edification and entertainment. There is also the distinct possibility of some visits to local RNA’s in the coming months. So stay tuned – there is some good stuff coming your way. BTW the boat on the cover is a Canadian ‘O’ boat. Perhaps Wilf Broydon can ID it?

Yours Aye

‘Pedro’

Daddy of the Submarine by Rick Rothwell

There we were as the saying goes, ambling along (in the car of course) a country road in the west of Ireland on a warm summer’s day, when all of a sudden, around the corner there was a bloke in what seemed to be a tin helmet trying to get out of the upper lid of a submarine. By now we were fifty yards past, so emergency stop and hard astern followed by a Williamson turn brought us back to the apparition.

We had arrived in the fishing village of Liscannor, County Clare, just a few miles south of the mighty cliffs of Moher (Mohr) where the wild Atlantic comes face to face with the first point of Europe. The most pertinent question now was” what the hell is a bronze monument of a bloke climbing in/out of a submarine doing here?” Multiple photographs ensued, plus the inevitable pose by yours truly. The statue is almost life size!! The plinth read:

John P. Holland
1841-1914
Liscannor, Co Clare
Patterson, New Jersey, US

Quite clearly it related to the accredited designer of the modern submarine JP Holland. We were unfortunately unable to pursue further information at the time but research back at home shows the following: JP Holland was the son of the local coastguard and was naturally brought up in the vicinity of the sea. By the age of 17 he was a trainee teacher with a very special interest in science matters and in particular, submarine dynamics. He even experimented in the school pond with early versions of submarine shapes, much to the amusement of both fellow teachers and pupils. Eventually the family moved to America where he continued to teach and was now ardently involved in the real art of submarine design and was funded by his employers a religious group called The Christian Brothers. The American Civil War was now underway and he had noted the advent of the ironclad vessels, plus the use of some crude submersible weapons, this spurring on his research to greater extremes

By the early 1880’s his first working submarine, named Holland II was launched. This boat could propel itself through and under the water under the full control of the crew. It was known as The Fenian Ram as it was financed by the Irish brotherhood. I wonder what happened to Holland I. Did he save that for the Royal Navy 20 years later?

After numerous variants he produced Holland VI which was commissioned into the US Navy in October 1900 and remained active for 10 years. It was later redesignated SSI and incorporated dual propulsion systems, separate main and auxiliary ballast systems, a hydro dynamically advanced shape and included a modern weapons system – obviously a major breakthrough in submarining. Clearly, Holland was the inventor of the modern submarine and is rightly commemorated in his home village in Ireland. The Cliffs of Moher Hotel also sports a submarine themed bar. If you are ever passing call in, you will be made more than welcome.

Diesel Dinosaurs Corner

The Ping Bosun’s Log by Mick Jones

Greetings to you all from the sun-drenched boulevards of Bootle. Isn’t it nice to see the sun again and feel the warmth on your back? Lucky old Merseyside missed the floods that swamped a great part of the country. But if you feel down in the mouth now and again just console yourself with the fact that you were one of the crème de la crème, a Royal Navy submariner, one of God’s chosen elite.

It’s not often I write about religion or the good book but during a spell of incarceration on Manoel Island, Malta, the latter gave me great solace. I had a small amount of tobacco, a lighter and a few cigarette papers. The papers ran out after a few days and this is where the ingenuity of the British submariner comes to the fore; the Bible in my cell was printed on very fine thin paper and, although not gummed, it was ideal for rolling ticklers. By the time my sentence was served I had smoked my way through Genesis and half way through Exodus – ‘Holy Smoke’.

I was contacted by a group called The Royal Navy Covers Group, their aim being to record the history of the Royal Navy, past to present, on philatelic stamp covers. They had decided that ‘Operation Pedestal’ the August 1942 Malta Convoy should be honoured and wrote to me asking if I knew any surviving crew members of HM/S Unbroken and if I could supply a photo of the boat. As far as I knew only four members of the crew were still living at the time so I sent their names and a photo of the boat. Later I received a parcel of envelopes and was asked to sign my name where indicated on the envelopes. The first name on the envelope was that of Captain Sir Edward Archdale Bart, DSC RN who was our Jimmy, mine was the second name. I then had to forward this bunch of envelopes to Australia to be signed by Jeff McTeare in Melbourne and John Crutch in West Australia. The monies raised from these much sought after covers would go eventually to aid Naval charities.

The stamps business brought me to thinking back over the years to that time. It was October 14 1942. It was my 20 birthday, the day when I could legally line up with the rest of my messmates and draw my tot of rum. I had cheated once before when I went to HMS Osprey at Dunoon for a three day Asdic refresher course when the Regulating PO asked me if I was G, T or UA. I lied and told him I was G and thus drew my tot for three days, but now my tot was legal and I’m sure would taste all the sweeter. However the time honoured tradition of receiving ‘sippers’ from my messmates had to be forgotten as we were at sea, and a drunken ‘Ping Bosun’ wouldn’t be of much use if we ran into difficulties which is exactly what happened.

We received a signal from S10 telling us to patrol an area near the island of Pantalleria where a convoy was heading for North Africa with supplies for General Rommel’s desert foxes. We had no sooner arrived on the billet than we made asdic contact with the convoy and they made contact with us just as quickly. We just had time to fire off a salvo and get a hit when the enemy escort was on top of us and their first four depth charges rocked us and sent us plunging down into the depths. We later found that the force of the explosions had lifted the valve of Q tank from its seating thus allowing us to take on a full tank of tons of water. 76 cells in the batteries were shattered and smouldered causing noxious fumes to fill the boat, more charges fell but none as close as the first four, and we were able to limp away and lick our wounds and make essential repairs. Later on when it was all clear we surfaced and made a signal to Malta informing them of our situation. Next morning an MTB and a plane came out to escort us back to Malta. We were put into dry dock right away and the battery cells had to be literally shovelled out of the battery tanks before any work could commence. Two days later knowing we wouldn’t be going to sea for a few weeks I had my ‘sippers’ all round from my messmates. I don’t think I surfaced for three days after that. I’ll definitely always remember my 20th birthday.

A few of you will have noted that some of these anecdotes have been in previous old issues of the Ping Bosun’s Log. This is because I am rushing this issue as I am once again due in ‘dry dock’ myself at Fazakerley Hospital very soon so I thought I would cheat a wee bit. To all of you out there who are not feeling too well, I wish you all the best. Good wishes to all members and friends. Cheers and God bless.

Yours Aye
Mick

Bromide

Remember that Bromide they put in our tea
to keep us from thinking about lasses
To keep us from thinking our wild sinful thoughts
from hairs on our palms, wearing glasses
Well now I've got news for their Lordships
their venture was not a success
There wasn't a morning I didn't awake
just raring to go, I confess
With others around me bemoaning their fate
limp organs, a motley selection
There stood young Mick in arrogant pride
displaying a healthy erection
So it has gone since those grey funnel years
I've never begged any girls pardon
For failing to rise to the matter in hand
I've always come up with a hard on
But now Anno Domini's taking its toll
from coitus I seem to be shrinking
Oh! Must I be doomed to a celibate life
is that Bromide finally working?

by Jones ‘O’ Unbroken

The Boats - In Memoriam

We remember with reverence the boats and the brave crews that remain on ‘Eternal Patrol’, and particularly those that were lost in the months of August and September during WWII. “We will remember them.” Resurgam - They shall rise again.

Oswald Spearfish Thames P32 P33 Thorn Parthian Saracen
Oxley Talisman X9 X8 X5 X6 X7

Obituary

It is with great personal sadness that I have to report that Jimmy Evans crossed the bar in July. Jimmy was a member of this branch for many years and was an active participant in the celebrated Ballet-de-Scouse troupe during his time with us. A small, fiery character Jim was a good hand and a most loyal friend, the kind of oppo you wanted behind you in a punch-up whether it be up the Gut or down on Union Street. He served on Andrew, Ambush, and Seneschal and was second Coxswain on HM/S Tiptoe. It is said that Jimmy was instrumental in charming the late, great, ballerina/actress Moira Shearer into donating her red ballet slippers from the movie ‘The Red Shoes’ to the Tiptoe. Knowing smooth-talking Jimmy ( but only to the females of the species) he probably tried chatting her up too, but thereby hangs another tale. Tiptoe was also featured in the British war film ‘Morning Departure’. Jimmy will be sadly missed by his two sons ,their families and all his old friends in the branch and around the country. Fair winds, and following seas on your last patrol amigo – Resurgam.

“These dolphins, once you pin them on your chest, leave deep marks, right
over your heart, long after the uniforms have been put away.”

Branch Business & News

I am happy to report that the branch has successfully recovered its trim since our last issue. It has made progress in a few areas after initial setbacks unavoidably caused by the ill-health and relocation problems within the committee that have been previously described. Due to his increasing health problems ‘Banjo’, after months of soldiering on, has now had to resign as Treasurer and Sterling Simmons has volunteered to assume the role in an ex-officio capacity pending the next AGM further to an updated audit and statement of the accounts currently being undertaken by ‘Jumper’ Collins on our behalf for which we are grateful.

Attendances at monthly meetings have slightly improved during the past two months, but we still need more bums on seats at these events if we are to maintain the goodwill of the venue management so come on and make the effort to come down and enjoy the improved atmosphere you will find there. Don’t dip out, don’t be a mismuster. I have been handed a backlog of raffle prizes by ‘Banjo’ and will bring them to the September meeting for distribution. Others that require posting will be processed once winner’s addresses have been fully confirmed, as some stubs sported only unfamiliar names but no phone numbers.

Once again our sincere thanks to all those making donations to the branch during the months of August and September. Joyce Onslow from Kidderminster also sent a donation to mark the first anniversary of the passing of her beloved husband Bert, who was one of the most popular and staunch stanchions of our branch for so many years and accordingly we most respectfully join her in celebrating his memory. We’ll definitely be raising a glass to Bert and all our absent friends at the next meeting.

Sick Parade

As mentioned above, ‘Banjo’ West has had a relapse and been admitted to the Mersey Oncology Ward, Clatterbridge Hospital, for further treatment. Our thoughts and prayers for his full recovery are with him and his wife, Irene, and their children at this very difficult time.

Mick Jones was supposed to be entering Fazakerley Hospital for surgery on the day of our last meeting but for reasons known only to the NHS it was cancelled at the last minute. Mick wasn’t too upset as it allowed him to attend the meeting and have a few wets with the lads , but after psyching yourself up for the procedure it is a bit of a let down when it doesn’t happen as arranged. So by the time you read this Mick hopefully will have received another draft chit from the medical fraternity. We wish him all the best with the surgical procedure.

Fred Cunliffe is not having a great time of it either as we speak. Various ailments are causing him problems but the biggest of them being his lack of mobility. His lovely Ann is currently in a nursing home so the separation factor naturally adds greatly to the overall suffering. What is needed is a little company from time to time so let’s have some visits from you more able members to cheer him up a bit. Any of the above phone numbers and addresses can be had from the Secretary by phone. Cards and phone calls would be equally welcomed by all those on sick parade I’m sure, so please remember those little things do mean a lot.

Ray Hedgecock continues to suffer with his now diagnosed as irreparable hip and heart problems but the bulldog spirit shines through and the cry is still ‘no surrender’ from ‘Peaches’. He bravely passes the pain barrier and regularly attends all meetings and thoroughly enjoys the crack and a couple of pints. Without his valued experience and wisdom this Secretary would have fallen at the first hurdle and that’s for sure. I’m happy to tell you that he is currently firing on all sixteen cylinders and is now quite chirpy. To all of you out there who are feeling under the weather our sincere best wishes for getting better and your continued recoveries.

The Ditty Box

The above is one of a series of great photographs taken of the USS Honolulu SSN-718 on the ice not far from the North Pole. As you see there are three very inquisitive polar bears inspecting this dark intruder into their icy domain. Provide a winning caption for this shot and the best one submitted will receive a £20 drinks voucher. Send your written captions to the Editor at address on front of this newsletter. Closing date for entries will be 15 November 2007. The committee’s judging decision will be final and announced at November meeting.

Philosophy of Fuzzy Logic

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

One nice thing about egotists; they don’t talk about other people.

Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.

A flying saucer results when a nudist spills his coffee.

Does fuzzy logic tickle?

I’ve used up all my sick days, so I’m calling in dead